When the ‘grim reaper’ comes knocking at your door

Death is inevitable. It eventually occurs in all living organisms. The state of human death has always been obscured by mystery and superstition.

In modern times, the study of death has become a central concern, both in the realms of philosophy, as well as biological research.

Various newspapers today not only list the dead, but also almost ghoulishly describe the death in gruesome details.

Death is no longer enshrined in taboos.

Bereavement is a period of mourning, or state of intense grief that is felt when a relative or close friend dies. When you grieve, it’s part of the normal process of reacting to a loss.

While uncomplicated grief may be extremely painful, disruptive and consuming, it is usually self-limiting, and does not require formal treatment.However, grief related major depression can persist, be persistently disabling, interfere with function and quality of life, and may be even life threatening if not treated.

In some cases, it is believed that grief has characteristics of physical illnesses…such as a known aetiology (death of a loved one), distress, other symptoms, and functional impairment. While treatment/ healing occurs…it is often found to be incomplete.The loss of the person might in turn provoke certain psychiatric complications, e.g. Major depression.

How long would grief last?

The intensity and duration is determined by the premorbid personality, genetic makeup, vulnerabilities, and health, spiritual supports, and the type of loss.Hence..it varies from a few days, to months, or even more than a year.

Are there any pointers in dealing with the death of a loved one?

Realise that everyone deals with it differently…and no style of bereavement is right or wrong. This is your own personal journey…and you are allowed to feel, say and do whatever it is that you need to heal.

Talk about it when you are ready…not when others feel you should share.

Cry, curse, howl …if you have to….this whole thing of “be strong for the family” is hogwash!

Try being with close friends ..it helps over a period of time.
Though there may be a tendency to take to drinking or drugs…avoid, or limit as much as possible.

While you need to remember the good stuff..avoid making a shrine of the person. It’s ok to get rid of personal belongings, without feeling guilty .Celebrate their lives..let’s not focus on the death…this may be easier said than done..but we need to try.

Time is the best healer. We will always remember…but the anguish associated with the event will reduce over a period of time.
In certain situations, it might be necessary to seek treatment from a psychiatrist, or even join a support group for people who have had death in the family. The recent pandemic has allowed a number of self-help groups to flourish, which have been very beneficial to grieving persons.

You are not perfect. Your reactions will not be perfect. You decide when you allow yourself to heal…with or without help.And then find the peace beyond the pain.

Those we love don’t go away..they walk besides us every day.Unseen, unheard, but always near, still loved, still missed..and very dear…….Anonymous

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